My Diary

My Diary

August 22, 2020

Hi hi - I'm writing this cause I got feelings about my wardrobe. It's getting bigger, which is cool - because I have all this lolita stuff. Like, if I showed it to my younger self, she'd absolutely freak out. The thing is, more and more I wonder where I can wear it to. I know people are like, "you can wear it anywhere," but I don't even go outside. Sometimes I feel like am embarassment to my family when I go out. Sometimes I'm in high stress areas like, today I went to Target. It being the pandemic of COVID-19, I can understand why retail workers have stress. I mean I work retail too. I guess when it comes to it, I pretended like I had confidence in wearing this every day, but I had only worn it to school and no one gave me shit bc I knew I was among other art students who don't blink at this stuff. I also don't go out often by myself, I'm usually with family. I guess I feel shame for having nice stuff....? I'm def going to save money, I mean I already do. I just....I collect Monster High dolls. I also have a lot of accessories. The point of it is - there's a lot of stuff in my room. When I get into things, I go hard into buying a lot of stuff for em. I wanna do a massive purge, but I dunno what to do bc a lot of things I like. I'm just confused really. Am I a bad person for getting this much stuff? I - blegh. I guess I just feel this way bc my lolita closet is starting to take over my normie closet. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I guess it's just like - dang bro. What now? My post isn't very organized, but I def feel better and stuff. I even am considering like, selling a bunch of my fairy kei stuff? I like, started to realize I'm not into fairy kei as much as I thought I was.

August 10, 2020

Hello again! What a shame man. I didn't update here in a long time, and only returned as retreat because my anxiety was rising and I tried to look at some lolita to calm down. I really want to post my wardrobe stuff already, but what the heck am I going to photography all my dresses on....maybe I shouldn't be too worried about it looking that pretty? I guess it's more authentic that way right? Oh well. I can do some photo editing I guess lol. I graduated btw. I'm kinda just in this void rn because we were supposed to have graduation in person, but we never did because of Corona. I mean I am officially graduated, but nothing official or whatever took place, so I feel like I'm kinda just waiting. Idk man, this whole quarantine got me fucked up. I'm nervous way more now. Prob a normal symptom of being in such a time, but yeah.

April 18, 2020

Hmmmm, what do I even write for my first diary entry here? Should I keep it strictly lolita? Most likely a good idea. My personal diary is not meant to be online lol. However, I am happy to say that I started coding this website. I don't think it'll be very clean, but I mean - isn't that what the point of something like Neocitites is? I haven't coded in a long time, not since Neopets. But thank God for w3schools! There's still a lot of things I don't know, that while they might look complicated, probably aren't. I really want to have a side bar for my website, but I'm not really sure what to look up the code for that?? I'm sure I'll be able to find it.
Anyway, the quarantine is here. I'm coding my site during a time where I have a LOT of time to code I guess LOL I'm somewhat procrastinating from doing homework. A lot of my artwork scares me, but I think the only way I'm ever going to really improve is if I actually draw things I've never done before. I guess I just feel like none of my work should be ugly anymore, but that's okay. I should be okay with it being ugly.
Lastly, I guess I'll talk about what I intend with this blog. I chose not to do a Blogspot, because I felt it was a little too not as personal. Which is funny, because I learned lolita all through Blogspot, and blogs like that! I told myself, "Hey, I'll make a lolita blogspot one day!" I never did!! LOL
I hope to post my wardrobe here, and maybe GLB-esque lolita coord shots. Who knows!
- Risa